The New International OCD Foundation

You may not know it, but there is an organization out there that was created especially for us! It's called the International OCD Foundation, (formerly the Obsessive Compulsive Foundation). There are even local affiliates across the country. Here is a brief look into what the foundation can do for you:

1. Find out how you can participate in OCD research. The International OCD Foundation posts information on clinical studies on its website. They aim to find answers on hoarding, body dysmorphic disorder, obsessions, compulsions, and the like. See how you can be a part of the research.
2. Find a treatment provider. The organization has compiled a list of doctors who treat OCD and related disorders. While they have not evaluated the effectiveness of the providers, it is a good place to start your own investigation into finding some help. Find a doctor in your area, or search intensive treatment programs by state.
3. Find a support group. I used the OC Foundation to find my support group, and I have already testified to the benefits I've experienced by going--accountability, objectivity, and community. Here's how the International OCD Foundation can help you find a support group of your own.
4. Learn more about OCD. There's advice for parents of children with OCD, a list of books on OCD, and links to other websites and foundations. Visit http://www.ocfoundation.org/ to see what's there.
5. Support the foundation. If you find the organization helpful or want to help fulfill its mission, make a donation or become a member.

Three People Who Know I Have OCD

Everyone has their own opinion on this subject. Your obsessions differ from mine because the circumstances of your OCD are unique. You have harm obsessions, so you choose not to tell your child's friend's parents you have OCD. I have perfectionism obsessions, so I choose not to tell my boss. But this post is not about who I will keep in the dark about my OCD.

It's about who has helped me hold the light. (In another post, I compared my ability to conquer OCD to shining a flashlight on a monster). These people have helped me identify OCD for the ugliness it is, in light of rational reality.

1. Medical professionals. I have been in the emergency room on account of obsessions. If I hadn't told the emergency room doctor that I had OCD, he, in his inexperience in dealing with patients like me, could have contradicted what I'm learning in ERP therapy by giving me the reassurance I sought to my detriment. Or what about when I have a baby? I plan to let my obstetrician know the full extent of my condition. That way she'll know how to help me weigh real vs. exaggerated risks.
   
2. My spouse. My relationship with my husband is a healthy, loving one. He understands me, my weaknesses, and my OCD (to a workable degree). He helps me grow in dealing with the doldrums of my obsessions and compulsions, and praises me when I do well. My therapist helps us make sense of how OCD applies to married life, and she acts as a liaison between us.
   
3. God. Fine. God isn't a person. But I have made my OCD a part of my relationship with him. I pray about it, and lately have been working on giving over my thoughts to him when I'm struggling with something. So much of OCD is about craving control, and faith is an exercise in admitting I have none. Funny, that's exactly what I need to work on.

So these are my the 3 people (entities?) with whom I've shared my truth: The monster of OCD can make life difficult. But together we wield a big ol' floodlight.

For now, the in-laws will remain in the dark. ; )

New Blog Series: Looking Back

"Today I apologized to Tom for the third time."

That's the first sentence in my very first OCD journal. The entry is dated 7/14/1998. All I have read so far is that one line and it's immediate already that though my obsessions have differed, the OCD remains the same as it was 13 years ago. Same monster, new cloak.

That's why I'm starting this blog series. I want to look back at the beginnings of my OCD and see what I can learn, see what I can apply to my life now. I want to identify the red flags I may have missed then, and try to watch out for them in the future. There's a big, yellow smiley face on the cover of the journal, and I want to remember what that didn't feel like at age 13.

But perhaps even more I want this blog series to point out OCD's tactics. My favorite way of dealing with an obsession is to remind myself, mid-worry, "That's just OCD." Doing that is like shining a flashlight on the monster. I see him, I realize what he's made of, and in the light he doesn't look so bad. It brings me back to reality. Understanding that OCD's m.o. is the same no matter what the obsession will help me to more quickly catch OCD in the act. I want that understanding for me, and I want it for you.

The first installment is titled Looking Back: "I Kept Apologizing," and it will come in the next few days.

OCD Misunderstandings

I'm sure you've heard it: People using OCD as an adjective.

"I'm really OCD about my apartment." "She was really OCD over him." "I'm really OCD about paying people back when they lend me money."

These people have some vague idea that OCD has something to do with needing order, being particular, or washing your hands repeatedly. This knowledge qualifies them to use "OCD" willy nilly. While this doesn't bother me nearly as much as it bothers my husband (in noble defense of me and my feelings), it's not the worst way that OCD could be misunderstood.

Jumping to Conclusions
The other day I was working on a project in my parents' basement. My dad was down there, too, organizing the newest toolboxes he acquired. It was chilly, so he set up a space heater for me. Using care to situate it just right so my legs would be warm, he put it under the table I was working on--except that it was just a little too close to some papers and cardboard for comfort. I said, "No, move it up a little bit. A person with OCD doesn't like that those papers are so close to the back of the heater," hinting at the fire worry that a lot of us have. It didn't really bother me, but I guess I was taking a little advantage of my habits. I was warmer, so I started working.

I was soldering metal for a project I'm working on. To do so I first clean the metal with flux, a liquid that roughs up the surface so the metal will stick. I accidentally dropped a Q-tip I was using to apply it into the flux bottle. Knowing my dad solders and welds and is generally a knowledgeable guy when it comes to the practicalities of tools and such, I sought his advice.

"I just dropped the Q-tip into the flux and I don't know if I can get it out. Do you think that matters?"

--an abrupt "Don't worry about it."

Worry? He said it as if I had some wild idea conjured up, like this Q-tip in the plastic bottle would start a fire, or someone would decide they needed to clean their ears with this very Q-tip.

"I'm not worried about it, I just wondered if it would ruin the flux." Purely a pragmatic concern; I didn't want to be out $8 for a brand new bottle of flux now ruined. He didn't believe me.

"Don't worry about it."

Not Qualified to Judge
Now, as a person of frequent irrational thinking, it would not have been unlikely that I was obsessing over impossible situations that could happen as a result of this Q-tip having fallen into the flux. I can admit that. And my dad knows me, and he knows what my OCD is capable of. But this was not one of those OCD situations! But in his mind it was, and his prior experience with my OCD made him feel qualified to judge so he quickly chocked it up to obsession.

This is the kind of OCD misunderstanding that hurts most. It's different than a person thinking he knows how to use the term "OCD." It's thinking he know when to use it.

Tip #1: Accept that people will misunderstand sometimes.
OCD is nothing to hide, but surely I keep it private from most people for this reason exactly: I cannot trust that they understand it. Of all the people that are close to me, my dad has been through it with me the longest, yet he still can be quick to judge my feelings and make assumptions--proof that even those who think they "get it" will sometimes misunderstand. It's ok to let them.

Tip #2: Be assertive.
If a misunderstanding arises, express your feelings. Assertiveness shows mental clarity, and mental clarity is never present during an obsession. I gently said, "You know, sometimes I wish you didn't know me so well."

"Did I hit the nail on the head?"

"No, you didn't, actually. And it's not always nice to be discounted like that." Point taken, and he didn't say anything about it. He's not a man of apologies, so I didn't expect one. The satisfaction that I had expressed myself was enough.




*Footnote for loved ones of OCDers*
Yes you've been through a lot with them. They have shared a lot of deep feelings with you. You know they trust you. But you don't know what they're thinking. Let the person with OCD have her feelings, and share with you what she feels comfortable sharing, but don't ever jump to conclusions. Listen, love, and offer advice.