Wednesday, December 22, 2010

It's Getting Sticky...

"How do you let things go?" a good friend, Carly, asked. I was embarassed that I didn't have a clear cut answer.

Now, a month after I've started stepping down off my meds and my responsibilities at work are ramping up, the "things" I'm having trouble letting go of are work-related. Work thoughts are getting sticky.

It's not "OMG someone is going to get hurt because of me," but it's trending toward the same types of thoughts. What if I make a mistake that costs more than my own time? What if we lose a customer because of me? Gotta think of all the things I need to do.

It's difficult to leave work at work, and it's upsetting that work issues are more salient in my mind than Christmas is right now. I want to be excited, not stressed. When I realize that at 6:00 in the evening after a rough 9 hours, it makes me angry. I want control of my emotions, whether they be related to OCD fears or not.

But Carly had the answer for me without realizing it. The key isn't control, but relinquishing control. That's what I need to work on.

I'll keep you posted on how it goes. Next up I'm going to think of some concreate ways that I can do it.

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