Sunday, March 1, 2009

Checking: A Good Week

Checking is my most common ritual. I can do it physically or mentally, but the mental checking (or rumination) is most debilitating for me. Whatever the case, my major, stops-me-in-my-tracks OCD begins and ends with checking.

That's why I have to keep it, er, in check. If I see myself doing more checking of things, like asking my husband "I didn't sound mean when I said that, did I?" or running back into the bedroom before I leave in the morning to be sure the heating pad is turned off, I force myself to stop for two reasons:

  1. It could be indicative of depeer issues. The last time I let allowed myself to check and re-check, it turned out a crisis was looming. My grandfather had just died and I was in for a two month-long regression.
  2. It could make my OCD worse. As I said in a previous post, "The more I check, the more doubt takes over and I fall victim to checking things repeatedly, or worse: fearing things that cannot be checked-away. Soon the snowball effect of anxiety and depression consumes me." For me, checking is my "gateway ritual;" it leads to worse things.

And forcing myself to stop is just what I've been doing! It was a pretty uneventful OCD week, but every morning that I was the last to leave the house the disease tested me. "Did I unplug my curling iron?" "Is the computer off?" "What if it just looks like it's off?" But I obeyed the tenets of Exposure & Response Prevention and I faced the fear!

With a shrug I locked the door behind me and left for work.

6 comments:

  1. Good for you. You are continuing with your success and not letting the compulsions stop you from continuing with your progress.

    Belinda (The Addict)

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  2. Do you ever try and apply memory tricks to help you with this? Sometimes I double-check to make sure the heat is off but if I remember to tell myself "the heat is off" and repeat it a few times in the minutes that follow, it helps.

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  3. Good for you! Facing your fear is a brave thing to do!

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  4. Hiya blogger,

    You know what your doing is the only way to a “successful” recovery.

    You are an educated “OCDer” and your blog is a good resource. I hope people out there that need help can get through some of the “trash” on the web, and recognize a quality blog.

    A therapist that specializes in OCD and uses ERP is a great start, anything else may get someone worse.

    Take care blogger, I enjoy reading your story and wish you the strength to keep doing so well.

    Panama

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  5. Good for you! Sounds like you're doing really well. I do what WesleyG suggested, I unplug something and then look at it and say, "I have unplugged the hair dryer," or whatever it is. It helps. If I don't, it can all turn into a huge time-consuming mess...and a snowball-turned-avalanche effect.

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  6. Thank you all for the props!

    @ Wesley and StstMama: Yes, I do do that sometimes--when I remember! In the therapy world that's called mindfulness. When I'm in a hurry or in a good mood, it's hard to remember to do it.

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