OCD: What Happens When We Don't Stick to the Facts

You're driving in a tunnel. The only two outbound lanes of traffic are both congested, but you're moving along at a good clip, say 40 mph. You see brake lights a few cars ahead of you. What do you do?

A) Nothing.
B) Watch the car in front of you to see when he applies his brakes.
C) Slam on your breaks, bringing your car to an immediate stop.

Now you're taking a walk. Your leg starts to hurt. What do you do?

A) Nothing--continue your walk.
B) Turn around and head home--you probably strained it.
C) Go home immediately and drive to the emergency room--it's probably knee cancer.

In the first question, what if you had slammed on the brakes? You would have crashed, causing a massive pile-up who knows how long, closing the tunnel for the rest of the afternoon until the accident could be cleaned up.

That's the what part of the question...here's the why: The reason for slamming on the brakes in the first situation would have been a misinterpretation of the facts. It's mistakenly following the logic of "brakelights mean stop." Black and white. (Or Red.) But really, seeing brakelights a few cars ahead more likely means that that car is slowing down. If that car is far enough ahead, you may not even need to take your foot off the gas!

I've said in another post that my brain doesn't often operate using linear thinking. The one inopportune time it does, though, is when I'm thinking like this, below:

The first line is a fact. The rest are interpretations of that fact, improper conclusions which are drawn from the prior conclusions, or unclear memories that I can't even confirm happened.

Fact: On Tuesday I walked my dog.
2. I put flea treatment on him a few days before Tuesday.
3. A little girl petted my dog.
4. I think I remember her petting him where the flea treatment was.
5. That little girl is going to put her fingers in her mouth.
6. She is going to get sick.
7. Her sickness will cause her to die.
8. I will be sued.
9. I will not be able to forgive myself.

Can you see where my logic fails? It happens in the space between nearly every so-called conclusion I make. By the end I've "concluded" myself into a scary situation, spiking my anxiety. If my OCD is bad enough at the time, I'll fixate on it and send myself into a deep depression.

When you find yourself thinking like this, don't jump to false conclusions. Think about the facts, and only the facts, if you want to live well with OCD.

Don't slam on your brakes.

Advice on Letting Go

Driving home today I realized how many times at work I heard myself say "It doesn't matter because next week I won't be here." Uncertainty about whether a project will be completed on time, discomfort over having unanswered questions, and frustration over a co-worker treating me poorly will all be moot points.

Three weeks ago it would not have been easy for me to say this--no matter what the reason! The only thing that changed in the meantime was getting the new job. When I finally got it, all the frustration and the pain became insignificant.

I thought about this and realized that in so many of my OCD worries I could use some help letting go. At my worst I'd lie awake, so late it's neither night nor morning, and repeat the phrase "I will not be tethered to this." In my delirium I even visualized myself chained to a large block of cement, willing the chain to break so that I could be freed from the worry that wracked my brain.

In my situation at work, I have a reason to let go of the worries--my new job. That's why it was so easy to do. Like a huge pair of scissors (or in the case of the worry that caused me to lose sleep, an industrial-sized pair of tin snips) focus on the new job severed my connection to the worry and frustration of the old one. Whatever happened in the past didn't matter. Whatever happens after I leave won't matter. The new job is so salient in my mind, and it affects everything about my current job, that it makes for a sharp, powerful weapon.

My challenge for you is this: Can you identify your scissors? What can you focus on so it's easier to let go?

Escaping an OCD Exposure?

The other night my husband and I were trying to figure out what to watch on tv. We just got a bunch more channels than we need when we subscribed to a new cable service, so the options seemed infinite.

He was scrolling the channel guide when something caught my eye: "The Monsters Inside Me." Yes! Let's watch that! A show about parasites that grow inside people and the catastrophic events that follow. Perfect!

He was disgusted.

Only I wasn't kidding. I really did want to watch this show. Things like this always intrigue me: "Terror in the E.R.," "Rescue 911--" the types of shows where people narrowly escape death thanks to some supernatural force or a doctor's revelation. So he gave in and we flipped to that station.

I could only stomach 3 minutes. The episode was about a boy and a parasite that crawled into his brain. (We didn't watch long enough to hear how.) Immediately I felt my anxiety level climb. I didn't want to worry that this could happen to me or someone I love. "Maybe I shouldn't be watching this," I said, and my husband clicked back to the channel guide.

Whew. It was over. I didn't have to think about it anymore. The images of the boy in the hospital bed and the uncertainty about whether I could encounter parasites were both gone.

But then I thought, could this have been an exercise in exposure? Might it have been good for me to put up with this stress for the sake of learning that I can't hide from everything that scares me? OCD exposures are about "sitting with" the anxiety, and understanding that it's normal. In the grand scheme of exposures, for me they're about being able to maintain calm when uncertainty arises.

Sometimes, I admit, I'm lazy about exposures. When I'm feeling generally ok, when OCD thoughts are at a minimum, I fool myself into thinking I don't need them. Was this one of those times?

What do you think--should I have kept watching? What would you have done?